Pinned Under the Weight

[under_the_silk_tree]

Title: Pinned Under the Weight
Fandom: The Librarians
Pairing: Cassandra/Ezekiel
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4,674
Summary: Ezekiel has been keeping a secret from the others.   
Notes: Thank you to my beta meridianrose who made this story so much better.  This was written for the Librarians shipathon 2017, Casekiel week. Also for hc_bingo prompt: forgiveness, table here.

Still I'm pinned under the weight
Of what I believed would keep me safe
So show me where my armor ends
Show me where my skin begins
-Pluto by Sleeping at Last

 

Ezekiel knew better than to let it get this bad.  How could he be so stupid?  He's lived with this since he was a child; he knows the signs and symptoms.  It is always the same.  It starts with a slight pinprick feeling that begins at the center of his spine and then runs across shoulders.  If he's smart that is the time to leave, it hurts less if he goes then.  If he doesn't over the next couple of days the feeling turns from a slight annoyance that can be ignored, to a dull painful ache that sits heavy over his shoulder blades.  If he has any brains left in his head he gets out of town and finds the nearest open field far away from civilization, or the closest discreet hotel he can lock himself away in for a few days.  If he continues to ignore the signs the pain goes from a dull ache to feeling like being stabbed in the back and having the knife being twisted slowly.  Once it feels like his spine is being removed one vertebra at a time, it’s too late…

"You've got to calm down man," said Jake who was off to his right leaning against the wall, looking bored and impatient. 

"I am calm, MATE," Ezekiel ground out between clinched teeth. His fists balled at his side. 

Cassandra watched in growing concern as Ezekiel paced aggressively from one side of the elevator to the other.  He was definitely not calm.  They had been stuck in this elevator for over two hours and while Jenkins had been able to patch into the speaker system so that he, Flynn, and Eve could at least talk to them, the doors hadn’t moved an inch.  At this point they weren’t even sure why the annex doors weren’t working.

"Stones right Ezekiel, you've got to stay calm. We'll figure it out soon," came Eve's voice over the elevator's speaker.  They could hear Jenkins and Flynn's muffled arguing in the background as the two men tried to figure out why the doors weren't working. 

Ezekiel just shook his head at their advice.  He needed out of here fast.  It had been one mission after another for the past few weeks so Ezekiel had ignored the signs.  He had told himself over and over again that he would slip out of the annex away from the others just as soon as it was over. 

Now it was too late. 

Glancing around at the walls, Ezekiel tried to do some quick calculations in his head.  Another wave of pain rolled across his shoulders and down his arms, making it difficult to concentrate.  Glancing at Cassandra, Ezekiel asked, “How big is this place?”

Cassandra almost on automatic did the calculations in her head, watching with growing unease as Ezekiel continued to pace, his agitation growing by the second, and said, “7 feet wide by 6 feet deep, front to back, and the doors are 4 feet wide.”

 “No, no, no, that is too small…too small,” Ezekiel ground out, his words ending in a murmur.  Stopping abruptly as the pain ratcheted up a notch, he bent over, bracing his hands on his knees.  Unable to help it he let out a ragged pain filled whimper of “Please…” unsure who he was pleading to, only knowing he wanted the pain to stop, “Please…please…not now…please just stop.”

“What’s going on in there?” Eve shouted in a panic.

Cassandra moved to Ezekiel’s side, placing a hand on his back, trying to figure out what was wrong, to offer some sort of comfort.

He jerked away from her yelling, “Don’t touch me!”

Ezekiel fell to his knees, his hands clenched in fists on his thighs, his body trembling slightly from the pain that was now racing up his spine as the pressure along his back and shoulders continued to increase. 

Startled, Cassandra backed up as far as she could until she hit the wall next to where a now very concerned Jake was standing. 

“I’m sorry,” Ezekiel said his voice a breathy whimper, “I should’ve told you.  I just hate this…I hate this so much.”

Jake surged forward, hovering next to Ezekiel though making sure not to touch him, “What should you have told us?  Tell us what’s wrong.  We want to help.”

“You can’t,” Ezekiel said his voice taking on a hysterical quality. The pain was making it hard to think, to talk; reaching out he pushed Jake roughly away. “Stay back, you’ll get hurt.” 

Jake stumbled, hitting the wall next to Cassandra, before getting a stubborn look on his face and taking a step back towards Ezekiel.   He pulled up when he saw Ezekiel grab the bottom of his black shirt and pull it up and over his head.  In shock they saw that Ezekiel’s back was mottled with deep black and blue bruises, like he had taken the mother of all beatings. 

“What happened to him?” Cassandra said in a low voice. She could feel a growing anger battle with the fear that was flooding her system, “Who hurt him?”

She was about to demand answers from Ezekiel when his voice rang out in pain and agony.  Hand over her mouth, she watched in horror as something moved, writhing and rippling underneath the skin of his back.  As Ezekiel’s cries became louder more pronounced, the skin started to crack, blood welling up and spilling down his lower back and onto the floor.

Cassandra instinctively closed her eyes against the gruesome sight before her but the sound of tearing flesh and Ezekiel screaming reached her ears anyway.  The copper smell of blood hit her nose causing her to gag slightly. She forced her eyes back open only to witness two large black wings tear themselves through the skin on Ezekiel’s back.  They shot straight out, hitting the sides of the elevator with a sickening crack.

~The Librarians~

Eve was pacing back and forth in front of the annex door as she listened to Cassandra and Jake try to calm Ezekiel down.  Something was wrong, Ezekiel didn’t panic like this.  Sure, he would get worried and shout sometimes but there was abject terror in his voice.  Not only that but she could hear how much pain he was in.  Behind her, Flynn and Jenkins were still fiddling with getting the door to work.  She was the Librarians’ guardian; she should’ve never left the three of them.  She had deemed the mission over and so she had returned with Flynn to make sure the dangerous artifact they had retrieved would get to the library safely.  Cassandra, Ezekiel, and Jake should have only been a few minutes behind them.  Now everything had gone pear-shaped.

When Ezekiel started screaming, Eve felt the panic she had been suppressing bloom painfully in her chest.  “Come on,” she yelled over her shoulder.  Finally she heard a triumphant shout from Flynn and the doors glowed white.  Eve flung them open, running through ready to face whatever was threatening her Librarians.

The sight before her stopped her in her tracks, a shocked gasp making its way past her lips.  She heard both Jenkins and Flynn skid to a stop behind her. 

Ezekiel was in the middle of the elevator on his knees.  He was leaning against Cassandra who was kneeling next to him.  His face was buried against her neck as she spoke softly to him, her words too quiet to be heard, while his hand which had blood dripping from it, was gripping the back of her white shirt.  Jake was hovering protectively over both of them, his face grim. But it was the two midnight black wings that were now protruding from Ezekiel’s back that held her attention.  One wing was curved against the back of the elevator, at an awkward angle but looked for the most part undamaged; the other was obviously broken, bent almost in half with a small jagged white bone sticking out of the top.  Eve watched in morbid fascination as the skin that had been ripped apart on Ezekiel’s back started healing at an accelerated rate, until it had mended completely, leaving his back, with the exception of his wings, unmarred. 

“Oh Ezekiel,” Eve breathed out. 

Jake finally snapped and said, “Help him!”

That unfroze Eve, who walked slowly towards the middle of the elevator making sure she didn’t brush up against the trembling wings, “Ezekiel?”

Cassandra broke off whispering to Ezekiel.  Looking up at Eve with tears in her eyes, she said, “I think he’s in shock.  He hasn’t responded to anything I’ve said.”

Eve nodded before looking back at Jenkins and Flynn both of them seemingly frozen in shock, “Jenkins, please go to the infirmary and make sure it’s ready for him.  Flynn, clear the way between here and there so that we can transfer Ezekiel there without causing further damage to his wings.”

The infirmary was a new addition.  Eve had seen the need for one after all three Librarians had been poisoned by the demon Sesselman with carbon monoxide and they only place they had for the three of them to recover was the annex lobby.  So she had talked to Jenkins and, the man being the miracle worker he was, had found the perfect space for them, although she had never seen this particular circumstance as a possibility. 

Eve squatted down next to where Cassandra was kneeling and said, “Ezekiel, can you hear me?” hoping for an answer.  Ezekiel’s breathing was rapid and he was staring blankly at the floor.

Her question was met with nothing but silence. 

~The Librarians~

Cassandra made a mental note to speak to Jenkins about getting more comfortable chairs for the infirmary.  This one was barely a step above a folding chair.  The infirmary itself was also a bit sparse in the decoration department; it was basically four white walls.  There really wasn’t much for her to look at, she had already calculated the area of the room a few hundred times, as well as the volume.  She knew how much water the room would hold and about an hour ago she had figured out exactly how many gumballs the room could house should the need ever arrive.  She was also still waiting for the other occupant in the room to wake up. 

Yawning, Cassandra took a moment to stretch.   She had volunteered to take the first shift, unable to even contemplate leaving Ezekiel.  It had taken both Jake and Eve supporting him in order to get Ezekiel to the infirmary.  Moving him had been awful; he had still been unresponsive to their questions and only an occasional pain-filled gasp due to his broken wing, had passed his lips.  Cassandra had tried to stabilize the broken wing as much as possible as she followed behind them but it seemed no matter what she did she inadvertently caused him more pain. 

Finally, and maybe even thankfully, Ezekiel had passed out just as they had reached the infirmary. They had laid him on his stomach on the bed that Jenkins had set up.  Jenkins had also cleared off both sides of the room so Ezekiel’s wings wouldn’t brush up against anything.  Ezekiel’s right wing had folded naturally and rested against his back, the left one, on the other hand needed to be set, that was done by Jenkins who was assisted by Flynn.  Surprisingly or not, if she really thought about it, Jenkins had known just what to do in order to splint the wing so it would heal correctly. 

Cassandra had briefly left in order to change her clothes as she had blood splatter along the front of her as well as a bloody handprint on the back of her shirt.  She was determined to burn those clothes as soon as possible.  The others had retreated to the main library to do research and try to figure out why their resident Australian had suddenly grown wings.  Jake and Cassandra had told them what they had overhead from Ezekiel before his wings appeared.  So they had figured out this wasn’t the first time this had happened to him. Now they just needed Ezekiel to wake up and fill in the gaps.

As if that thought held power, Cassandra watched in amazement as Ezekiel’s brown eyes slowly blinked open.  He stared at her groggily for a moment, a confused look on his face.  Then he slowly brought his hands up underneath him and tried to push up.

“No, no, no…don’t do that your splint will come undone,” Cassandra said in a hurry, kneeling next to the bed so they were at eye level with each other. 

Ezekiel lowered himself back down on the bed with a wince.  Once settled back down he cheekily said, “I guess I have something to tell you?” He offered her one of the smiles he used on people when he was trying to be charming.

In return she gave him a thoroughly unimpressed look.

The fake smile slid off his face and he said, “Yeah, okay.  What do you want to know?”

“How about you just start at the beginning,” Cassandra said, reaching out and taking his hand in hers.  She was relieved when he gave her hand a squeeze in return. 

Ezekiel cleared his throat, “I was five years old, the first time it happened. Physically I had been feeling off for a couple of weeks and my back would hurt sporadically but nothing too bad. Mentally it felt like there was something I had to do but I didn’t know what it was.  Thankfully I was at home when they appeared.  I woke my parents up in the middle of the night screaming bloody murder.  They found me huddled at the foot of my bed with blood splatter all over the floor and two black wings sticking out of my back.  They didn’t know what to do, who to turn to, and so we all stayed locked inside the dinky little apartment we lived in at the time.  After about a week, I just woke up one morning and they were gone.”

Ezekiel paused taking a deep breath and blew it out shakily, Cassandra gave him an encouraging smile, running a thumb across the knuckles of his hand. 

He gripped her hand a bit harder and continued, “I never knew how long until the next time.  Sometimes it was weeks, sometimes months, one time it was a whole six months.  My parents drilled it into me that no one could ever know, that I would be taken away from them and turned into a science experiment if they found out.”

Ezekiel paused and then in a discouraged tone of voice said, “It is so very frustrating because I have no answers.  I don’t know when or why or how.  I have just learned to manage it, how to read the signs, how to manifest my wings before it reaches critical mass.  Once I feel pain in my upper back, I find a place to hole up for a couple of days.  The sooner I allow the wings to materialize the less it will hurt.”

“So you’ve been holding them back for awhile?” Cassandra said her voice quivering a bit in shock that her friend had to deal with something so painful since he was a child.

“Yeah, for the last two weeks; it was stupid.  I know better.  We’ve been running non-stop for the last couple of weeks so I kept putting it off because I couldn’t leave you guys high and dry without your resident thief and computer expert.” 

Ezekiel caught her eye and breathed out in a rush, “I’m sorry you had to see that.  I know it is a gruesome sight.  After my parents died no one else knew and I learned to deal with it alone, but still, I should’ve told you.”

Ezekiel’s voice was rough so Cassandra let go of his hand and retrieved a cup with a straw from the side table and brought the straw up to his lips.

Ezekiel took a few big gulps not realizing how thirsty he was and then said, “Thank you.”

Cassandra just nodded as she placed the cup back on the table.   Ezekiel absentmindedly reached out, tucking a lock red hair that had fallen in her face behind her ear, causing Cassandra to blush and for Ezekiel to self-consciously drawback his hand.  Looking away, Ezekiel cleared his throat and continued his story, “At first I didn’t know you guys and figured this gig was short lived, but then it lasted and the longer I didn’t tell you, the harder it became to bring it up.”

Cassandra scooted a bit closer, “Hey, it’s okay.  I just wish you had told us, we would’ve helped you, but I understand not wanting to tell strangers about something like this.  I kept my synesthesia to myself before the Library. Now that we know, I hope you will let us help you.”

Ezekiel stared into her eyes and read the sincerity within them and gave her a crooked smile.  He closed his eyes and drifted a bit then.  His energy was always so low after his wings emerged and it took him a couple of days to recover even when he didn’t break one of them. 

“This must’ve happened since you’ve been at the library. - so all those times you snuck out of the library it wasn’t just to steal things?” Cassandra asked, causing Ezekiel to blink sleepily at her.

“We’ll not just to steal things,” Ezekiel said with a drowsy wink. “You remember a couple of months ago when I was gone for a week and when I came back I said it was because I was visiting an old friend and was very vague on the details?”

Cassandra did remember. She had wondered at the vagueness of his story.  She had assumed it was because he was visiting a “special” friend.  Cassandra had been surprised at the time by the feeling that had settled in her stomach-not exactly jealousy but it had been close enough that she started to question exactly what her feelings were for her friend.  

Cassandra’s eyes drifted over Ezekiel’s wings.  The feathers were midnight black but they had an iridescence to them that caught the light.  She couldn’t help breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them saying, “They’re lovely.”  She brought her hand up just hovering over one of them and asked, “Can I?”

Ezekiel nodded and Cassandra slowly reached out, gently brushing a few fingers over the dark shiny feathers.  They were softer than anything she had ever felt.  She saw Ezekiel shiver slightly, “Sensitive?” she asked.

“You could say that,” Ezekiel said with a blush. 

She quickly withdrew her hand, “Oh, sorry.”

“I don’t mind if you don’t,” Ezekiel said hopefully.

Cassandra looked down at their joined hands and said, “I don’t actually,” before seizing the moment and kissing him softly. The angle was awkward but their lips clung briefly before they parted, resting their foreheads together and savoring the moment. 

She briefly brushed another kiss across his lips before pulling away and giving Ezekiel a shy smile.  Clearing her throat she said, “Jenkins thinks in a couple of weeks your wing should be healed.”

“Nah, it won’t take that long.  This isn’t the first time I’ve broken one.  You should’ve seen what a mess they were in the first time I tried to fly.  They will disappear in a couple of days and then when they reappear they will be perfectly whole again.  At least they have that going for them,” Ezekiel said, his words ending in a yawn.

“You can fly?” Cassandra asked excitedly.

“Yeah it took a long time and a lot of crash landings for me to figure it out.  Flying has actually come in handy on a few jobs,” Ezekiel said with his trademark smirk.  Although it was ruined when he yawned again and he blinked sleepily at her. “We should talk about us…”

Cassandra reached up and carded a hand through his hair and watched as he closed his eyes, a satisfied expression on his face, “Go to sleep.  I’ll be here when you wake up, we’ll talk then.”

Ezekiel opened his eyes again looking more vulnerable and open then he usually let her see, and said, “Promise?”

“Promise,” she vowed, giving him another kiss.  Cassandra leaned back against the bed, keeping hold of his hand and watching over Ezekiel as he fell asleep.  Running one finger across her bottom lip, Cassandra couldn’t help but smile.  If she was being honest with herself she had been partially in love with Ezekiel since the labyrinth when he had held out his hand and asked her to trust him to see them through.  She had fallen the rest of the way over the next year, but she never thought he would share her feelings. Cassandra’s eyes lovingly traced Ezekiel’s features as he slept.  In that moment she made him a silent promise to help him.  After all, they were Librarians; if they couldn’t help one of their own then what good were they.  

~The Librarians~

Ezekiel pulled the sweater over his head, extremely thankful that he was once again able to wear a shirt.  It had been seven days since the elevator, and this morning he had woken up wingless and for the first time in weeks, pain free.  That was the way of it.  No matter how messed up his wings were, once they disappeared so did the pain and stress they put on his body. 

Looking around he grabbed his belongings that had been brought into the infirmary for him while he had been recovering.  He picked up his phone and tablet, and his hand hovered over a small vase that held a collection of wildflowers.  His smile softened; they had been a gift from Cassandra.  She had wanted to bring a bit of the outdoors inside for him as a way to combat the cabin fever he started to experience after a few days of the same four walls.  He gently picked up the vase and then made his way back to his room, whistling a tune as he went.  After his wings disappeared, he was always in a great mood for a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, both figuratively and literally.  He felt free.

Dropping by his room he quickly stowed his stuff and went to find the others.  They had all been so attentive to his needs when he had been laid up and he wanted to say thank you.  He had found that being taken care of by people who actually care for you was much better than trying to recover alone.  Ezekiel soon found them in the annex, gathered around the long table that held the clippings book.  At first he wondered if they had a job but then he noticed they were paying the magical tome no mind whatsoever and were instead gathered at the opposite end. 

When they saw him Cassandra excitedly waved him over.  She met him halfway but Ezekiel was unsure of how he should greet her.  Over the last week they had grown closer and shared a few private moments but they had never spoken about whether they were going to tell the others.  He didn’t mind if the others knew but he didn’t want do anything that would make Cassandra uncomfortable.  So when she walked straight up to him and greeted him with a soft kiss, Ezekiel couldn’t help smiling into it. 

Cassandra drew back and taking Ezekiel by the hand, she led him over to the table.  “We wish to speak to you.”

Ezekiel came up to the table with Cassandra on one side and Jake on the other, Flynn, Eve and Jenkins were on the opposite.  Eve gave him a smile before asking, “How are you feeling this morning?”

Ezekiel bounced on his feet and said cheerfully, “Never better, actually.  I always feel a bit rejuvenated afterwards, one of the perks.”

Jake said, “That’s great.  We were all worried.”

The others nodded their heads in agreement.

Cassandra turned to face him, “We want to help you learn more about the why and how of your condition.”  She picked up a datebook that was in front of her, “I figured you and I could go back as far as you can remember and mark down each time that your wings have appeared.  Maybe there is a pattern there that I can figure out.”

Ezekiel smiled at her gratefully.  If anyone could see a pattern it would be Cassandra.  She was so brilliant.  Cassandra gave him a soft smile in return that made him want to place a kiss on her mouth, but just as he was leaning over to do so a throat was cleared rather loudly off to his left.

Looking up, Ezekiel saw it had been Jake who with a smirk said, “Hold up Casanova, we are not finished.  I know your parents had never heard about anyone else having this condition but maybe it is genetic and so it might be good idea to take a look at your family tree anyway.  I know a bit about genealogy and I thought with a bit of research we can see if there were any other relatives who may have been in a similar situation.”

Clapping Jake on the back, Ezekiel said, “Thanks mate.  I appreciate it.”

Eve spoke up then and said, “I know a few people in intelligence who will know if anyone with your ability has ever crossed the government’s radar.” 

Ezekiel paled a bit at the mention of the government. Eve walked around the table and placed a comforting hand on Ezekiel’s shoulder saying, “I know who to talk to and how to ask in such a way that it will never lead back to you.  Do you trust me?”  Ezekiel took in a deep breath and nodded.  He trusted Eve with his life and now with his biggest secret; she would keep him safe.

Next was Flynn who said, “I am combing the Library’s records and for any mention of human beings having or growing wings.  I have run across several myths including Icarus, the angels, the Valkyrie, the Roman god Mercury and his Greek counterpart Hermes…”

Jenkins waited until Flynn took a breath and then interrupted, “I will of course be helping Flynn with his endeavors. I will also be speaking with the fey court and with others of my predilection for long life.  As Solomon said, there is nothing new under the sun, someone has to know something.”

Ezekiel felt tears fill his eyes, and for the first time he knew absolute certainty, he was no longer alone.  For so long he had struggled with this, and had kept his distance from everyone, but now he no longer needed to.  They were his family and they would protect him and his secret.  After so many years of hiding, and not knowing the how or the why, he would finally have some answers.

Taking in a shuddering breath, he looked around at the people gathered around and said, “Thank you.”

Flynn and Jenkins walked off into the library, searching for rare books that could help.  Eve grabbed her tablet and with a final squeeze of Ezekiel’s shoulder she left to make those phone calls.  Jake grilled Ezekiel for all of the familial info that Ezekiel could remember from his parents, then he left to find his laptop in order to do some research on some genealogy websites.  After Jake left, Cassandra pulled Ezekiel into a deep kiss before she slipped her hand in his and led him towards one of the side tables, datebook in hand.  Sitting down next to the woman he had grown to love, Ezekiel couldn’t help but smile.  Once again the Library had given him a gift.  First it had been a job, and now it was a family.

The End